That Kind of Girl – Anthony Xerri

In My Image

In the journey to adulthood, one of the major challenges facing us is the search for a mate. This job description takes on a multitude of characteristics depending on who defines it. Some of us guys are searching for the woman who will one day bear our children, others for someone with whom we can pass the time until we graduate and go our separate ways, and still others simply want a girl with whom we can share a night. If you’re like me, your goals might vacillate between the afore-mentioned options and many others on a weekly basis.

Regardless of what you are looking for, your search can lead you to meet all sorts of women who fill all types of roles. Today’s focus is on one such type that I’m sure many of you have encountered. You may have found yourself in the familiar position of talking to a girl you were interested in. On this particular night she seemed to be sending you all the right signals. So you find a chance to be alone with her and as your suspicions prove to be correct, things start heating up. One thing leads to another, and in the heat of the moment, as you try to take things to the next level, your trip around the base paths is halted by the “I’m not that kind of girl” routine. For many, these words represent nights filled with temptation, frustration, and masturbation.

But just what “kind of girl” is it that these young women want to prove that they are not, and why? The first thing that comes to mind is that a girl doesn’t want to be labeled a ‘slut’. She doesn’t want her girlfriends to talk about her behind her back (as they’ll probably do anyway) and she doesn’t want other guys coming to her and expecting sex. That seems reasonable—but here’s what I don’t understand. In the course of a “hookup” as kids these days are calling it, why is sex such an impenetrable line? Why does sex make you a slut while all other acts of passion are acceptable? A hookup is going to culminate (if you take my meaning) one way or another, so why shouldn’t it be in a way that both parties will enjoy? I’m sure I’m not the only one who has been puzzled by a girl who says “no sex, but everything else is okay.” Is this merely an attempt to preserve her image, so she can tell her friends in the morning “Of course we didn’t have sex, I’m not that kind of girl.” You can get just as freaky without having sex.

Another reason a girl might withhold sex is that she doesn’t want to give her virginity to just anybody.That is certainly her prerogative, and before I go any further I want to be clear that I’m not trying to say that all girls should put out or anything like that. The choice is up to you. However, I do think that women place an unnecessary importance on virginity. By abstaining from sex you are depriving yourself of one of the greatest and most natural pleasures granted to mankind. If at any point in time two people want to have sex with each other and have not made a commitment to monogamy with someone else, they should do it (pun intended).

I don’t think that the fact that you’ve never had sex before is a reason not to have sex now. In fact, waiting to give it away to a special person can set you up for some serious disappointment and emotional turmoil when you come to realize that “he was just an asshole like everyone else”. Yes, sex can be an amazing experience when shared with someone you really love, but it’s pretty damn enjoyable no matter who your partner is. Gaining a little experience before you meet “The One” isn’t the worst thing in the world.

Up until this point I have aimed my rant specifically at women. Although it is my experience that most men do not place the same significance on virginity, (growing up I couldn’t wait to lose mine!) there are still those who choose to abstain. Many such people will cite religious reasons for remaining virgins until marriage. I know a fair amount of Catholic students here at Rutgers (at least three) who believe that premarital sex goes against God’s will. I’m not going to touch on the subject of God’s existence—at least not today. But I will point out that I have not been able to find a passage in the Bible that specifically forbids premarital sex. There are a few that come very close, (although not in the four gospels) so I will grant that they can be legitimately interpreted as such. However, I’m pretty sure that acts other than simple sexual intercourse would be prohibited by such passages forbidding “fornication” and “sexual relations” outside of marriage. So for those who follow the Bible and draw the line at intercourse, you might want to think about adjusting that line.

Sex is a great thing. It is perhaps the greatest natural pleasure in which man can partake. Do not deprive yourself because of what your friends will think, or because of what you’ve been told the Bible says—just use protection. If religion is your reason for abstaining, do some research on your own. Your findings might surprise you. In my opinion, if God does exist, sex is one of his gifts. It would be cruel of him to give us such means for pleasure and then forbid us for enjoying them. I will leave you now with some words of advice from the late great George Harrison: “Make love all day long. Make love singing songs.”

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